[For the fact that he's Squall's dad? For hiding it? For abandoning Raine? For not coming back for him and Ellone? For all the horrific crap Squall's had to go through because of it? For not manning up and bringing up the topic himself? For all of the above?]
[It's for all of the above. That's what Squall deserves, at the absolute, very, bottom-floor-of-this-skyscraper-of-mistakes least.]
I'm fine, really. [ He will always be fine if he thinks there's even the smallest chance of her wanting or needing something from him. Always. ] It was a new kind of malboro from the Lunar Cry. Nastier bad breath attack.
[ He may have spent some time hearing colors and having his vision reversed for some reason. But hey, the cluster headache is gone, so... Could be worse? ]
It was bad. But I'm better. Dr. Kadowaki could have discharged me this morning but she's being cautious. [ A pause as he swills mouthwash and spits it out in the sink. He's being a little careful when he says: ] It was so bad I'm kind of glad you weren't there. Irvine says he's going to have nightmares about the smell. I... Missed you... But I wouldn't have wanted you to have to be around that.
[ Rinoa's no SeeD, but maybe she could've have... prevented this with her magic, somehow. Or, at the very least, helped him be treated sooner. She hates the idea that he was vulnerable and in pain, and she wasn't there to help him. ]
I wish I could do more than just bring you mouthwash.
[ He knows without a doubt that if Rinoa had been there -- and hadn't been hit with a host of status defects herself -- she would have cured him with Esuna faster than he could blink. He's not sure it would have helped with the smell he can still halfway taste, but at least the worst effects of being poisoned wouldn't have hit so hard.
He has no idea how to express that rock-solid certainty in a way that won't make it sound like he's accusing her of something. Clearing monsters out of Esthar isn't her literal job the way it's sometimes his, depending on contracts and whether President Loire gets to stipulate who his team are. And he really is glad she was spared the worst of it. He'd have spared Irvine that experience if he could have. ]
I know you would have helped if you'd been there. But... I'm glad you were safe.
[ Rinoa understands what he means, of course. If their situations were switched, she'd probably be glad that he was spared the experience as well. Wanting her to be safe doesn't mean he doesn't value what she can do when she's there.
She's just learning that it's harder to date a SeeD than she might have expected. It's his job to do dangerous things, and inevitably he'll be hurt in the process, but she can't help worrying all the same. ]
I'm just glad you're okay. We were... I was really worried.
[ She wants to hug him, or at least reach out and touch his hand, but she holds herself back. He's not as big on physical contact as she is, generally speaking, and considering he's still recovering from the ordeal, she ought to respect that. ]
[ Oh no she was worried. Squall feels like the jerkiest jerk in Garden. ("People care about you" is still a work in progress for him. It literally had not occurred to him that people might worry about him when a Malboro caused a series of medical misadventures that landed him in the infirmary's inpatient beds. And 'people' includes his Sorceress.)
He doesn't like worrying her or making her sad. She's not supposed to be sad or worried when it comes to him. He eases himself up in the infirmary bed and looks seriously at her. ]
It's not anything worth worrying about. It's my job, and I'm good at it. [ Pause. ] Next time, if it's a routine monster hunt... If you want... you can be a civilian consultant. [ The stuff that sounds less routine will require negotiation. On the one hand, the safest place for either of them is probably right next to the other. On the other, he's never going to like her walking into a dangerous situation without a pressing need. ]
[ She shakes her head at that first part. That's not at all what she meant, so when he's done, she tries to explain. ]
I know you're more than capable. I've seen what you can do! [ What all of them can do, for that matter. She trusts Squall and his abilities as a SeeD, and she trusts the others to back him up. ] But even if I know you're good at it, I'm still going to worry when you get hurt, because I care about you.
[ Hopefully that's not too much in the way of feelings, but Rinoa doesn't want him to think she'd doubt him or his abilities to do whatever contracts come his way. Just that, much as he'd probably worry about her if she got mixed up in something that necessitated this level of medical care afterward, she worries about him. ]
But... a civilian consultant? Does SeeD even allow that sort of thing?
[ Don't get her wrong - she's grateful for the suggestion because she can recognize it for what it is, an offer to try and fix the issue of her not being with him when he's on a mission. But she also doesn't want him getting in trouble for her sake. After all, worst comes to worst, she could always just plan a "vacation" where he's going without his knowledge or approval, to spare him the backlash.
...Well. Assuming Garden would let a known sorceress take an unsupervised trip, which might be less likely than she'd like. But still, if one of them was going to be a rulebreaker and get in trouble, she's at least more familiar with the role. ]
[ That throws him for a loop. It takes him a full minute to work through it, both the meaning and his own reaction. It's... Strange, to be cared about. To be cared for. It's been such a struggle to admit he cares at all, and here's Rinoa, just saying the hard thing like it's easy. 'Oh yeah if you get hurt, I worry.' What an insane, impossible, welcome thing. A thing he'd have kicked himself for wanting just last year. ]
Rinoa... I didn't think of it like -- [ Shit. ]. I'm sorry I worried you.
[ Her question about civilian consultants thankfully derails him from getting lost in his feelings. He adjusts his position, lying a little straighter, and looks at her. ]
As long as the client doesn't forbid it and it doesn't go over the operational budget for a contract, we can attach civilian or non-SeeD consultants to pretty much any mission. [ The tiniest smirk. Cid may have dumped every possible responsibility on Squall's head, but he also did Squall this one favor. ] And I am still in operational command of Balamb Garden and SeeD.
[ She shakes her head at his apology; it's not his fault, not really. It's not like he meant to be hurt, and he's right: it's his job, what he signed up for. She's allowed to have her feelings about it, but she doesn't blame him for them.
Still, he doesn't want to seem to focus on the emotional side of things, so she lets him follow up on the other topic without pressing. ]
And... you think I'd be allowed to be one of those consultants?
[ Because she's not entirely sure of how short her leash is, given the whole sorceress thing. If Squall has effective command, then probably it's a non-issue, but she can't help but worry. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
@perfectplanning
Not really.
[ Looooooong pause. ]
Garden let us look at our records when we turned sixteen.
I know my mother's name was Raine Leonhart.
[ And he knows the woman who took care of Laguna was named Raine... ]
no subject
[Oh boy.]
[Nah this is a bonafide oh shit moment.]
[But what can he say to that?]
Huh.
If it's the same Raine I'm thinking of, then it sounds like you had one hell of a mom.
[REALLY?]
(Thank you for making the overflow!)
no subject
[ Have another really long pause. ]
I only ever knew her because of Ellone.
It looked like she really loved you and Ellone, I guess.
______
(of course!)
no subject
[He deserves it, but still!]
Yeah. She did. We loved her a lot, too.
[At least he's saying something genuine.]
So I guess this is where we gotta have a talk, huh?
no subject
Damnit. ]
Yeah. I guess so.
I guess we should do this... face to face if we have to.
no subject
[Did he read Squall's mind? Is he actually capable of putting reading a text room? Or was that a lucky guess?]
no subject
Well. Maybe text will be easier.
Here goes nothing. ]
Yeah, it is.
So... you're definitely my father, aren't you.
no subject
For what it's worth? I'm sorry.
[For the fact that he's Squall's dad? For hiding it? For abandoning Raine? For not coming back for him and Ellone? For all the horrific crap Squall's had to go through because of it? For not manning up and bringing up the topic himself? For all of the above?]
[It's for all of the above. That's what Squall deserves, at the absolute, very, bottom-floor-of-this-skyscraper-of-mistakes least.]
@merlebleu
Thank you. My mouth tastes like... You don't want to hear what my mouth tastes like.
[ There may be three other single-serving bottles of mouthwash on the bedside table in his infirmary room. ]
no subject
How are you feeling otherwise? I heard you were out for a bit...
[ she was worried, to say the least. ]
no subject
[ He may have spent some time hearing colors and having his vision reversed for some reason. But hey, the cluster headache is gone, so... Could be worse? ]
It was bad. But I'm better. Dr. Kadowaki could have discharged me this morning but she's being cautious. [ A pause as he swills mouthwash and spits it out in the sink. He's being a little careful when he says: ] It was so bad I'm kind of glad you weren't there. Irvine says he's going to have nightmares about the smell. I... Missed you... But I wouldn't have wanted you to have to be around that.
no subject
[ Rinoa's no SeeD, but maybe she could've have... prevented this with her magic, somehow. Or, at the very least, helped him be treated sooner. She hates the idea that he was vulnerable and in pain, and she wasn't there to help him. ]
I wish I could do more than just bring you mouthwash.
no subject
[ He knows without a doubt that if Rinoa had been there -- and hadn't been hit with a host of status defects herself -- she would have cured him with Esuna faster than he could blink. He's not sure it would have helped with the smell he can still halfway taste, but at least the worst effects of being poisoned wouldn't have hit so hard.
He has no idea how to express that rock-solid certainty in a way that won't make it sound like he's accusing her of something. Clearing monsters out of Esthar isn't her literal job the way it's sometimes his, depending on contracts and whether President Loire gets to stipulate who his team are. And he really is glad she was spared the worst of it. He'd have spared Irvine that experience if he could have. ]
I know you would have helped if you'd been there. But... I'm glad you were safe.
no subject
She's just learning that it's harder to date a SeeD than she might have expected. It's his job to do dangerous things, and inevitably he'll be hurt in the process, but she can't help worrying all the same. ]
I'm just glad you're okay. We were... I was really worried.
[ She wants to hug him, or at least reach out and touch his hand, but she holds herself back. He's not as big on physical contact as she is, generally speaking, and considering he's still recovering from the ordeal, she ought to respect that. ]
no subject
He doesn't like worrying her or making her sad. She's not supposed to be sad or worried when it comes to him. He eases himself up in the infirmary bed and looks seriously at her. ]
It's not anything worth worrying about. It's my job, and I'm good at it. [ Pause. ] Next time, if it's a routine monster hunt... If you want... you can be a civilian consultant. [ The stuff that sounds less routine will require negotiation. On the one hand, the safest place for either of them is probably right next to the other. On the other, he's never going to like her walking into a dangerous situation without a pressing need. ]
no subject
I know you're more than capable. I've seen what you can do! [ What all of them can do, for that matter. She trusts Squall and his abilities as a SeeD, and she trusts the others to back him up. ] But even if I know you're good at it, I'm still going to worry when you get hurt, because I care about you.
[ Hopefully that's not too much in the way of feelings, but Rinoa doesn't want him to think she'd doubt him or his abilities to do whatever contracts come his way. Just that, much as he'd probably worry about her if she got mixed up in something that necessitated this level of medical care afterward, she worries about him. ]
But... a civilian consultant? Does SeeD even allow that sort of thing?
[ Don't get her wrong - she's grateful for the suggestion because she can recognize it for what it is, an offer to try and fix the issue of her not being with him when he's on a mission. But she also doesn't want him getting in trouble for her sake. After all, worst comes to worst, she could always just plan a "vacation" where he's going without his knowledge or approval, to spare him the backlash.
...Well. Assuming Garden would let a known sorceress take an unsupervised trip, which might be less likely than she'd like. But still, if one of them was going to be a rulebreaker and get in trouble, she's at least more familiar with the role. ]
no subject
Rinoa... I didn't think of it like -- [ Shit. ]. I'm sorry I worried you.
[ Her question about civilian consultants thankfully derails him from getting lost in his feelings. He adjusts his position, lying a little straighter, and looks at her. ]
As long as the client doesn't forbid it and it doesn't go over the operational budget for a contract, we can attach civilian or non-SeeD consultants to pretty much any mission. [ The tiniest smirk. Cid may have dumped every possible responsibility on Squall's head, but he also did Squall this one favor. ] And I am still in operational command of Balamb Garden and SeeD.
no subject
Still, he doesn't want to seem to focus on the emotional side of things, so she lets him follow up on the other topic without pressing. ]
And... you think I'd be allowed to be one of those consultants?
[ Because she's not entirely sure of how short her leash is, given the whole sorceress thing. If Squall has effective command, then probably it's a non-issue, but she can't help but worry. ]